go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Randomize
