"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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