the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
