Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
