You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
