I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
