yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
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