know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
