umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
