I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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