My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
