you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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