All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
he wants to bone in the snuggie
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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