i need an iv and a liver transplant
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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