hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
