I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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