from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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