just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
