now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
