Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize