My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
