Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
