i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
