I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
