you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
