everyone is single if you try hard enough
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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