If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
