just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
