I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
