Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
my shit smells like andre
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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