forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize