my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
