def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
