you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I smell like Dick and happiness
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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