I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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