You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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