her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Randomize
