Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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