I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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