are you still at the devil's house?
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
