he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Randomize