We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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