Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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