For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
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