that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
