I have demons in me.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
