I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
