I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
