u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize
