i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize
