here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
