yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
