You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
