Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
