I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
