The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
