I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Randomize
