you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
