I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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