you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
