You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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