omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
You brought string cheese to the strip club
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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