Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
