it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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