he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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