My Higher Power is John Stamos
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Randomize
