i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
