The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Randomize
