I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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